Who Initiates Sex and why it Matters so Much

The issue of who shows an interest in having a physical relationship in a couple might be mistaken for rather trivial; after all, what counts is that it happens, not that one or the other party initiates. But in truth, the question of who first displays their enthusiasm is vital to the well-being of a couple.
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“It can seem a highly trivial subject to get so upset about – being rightly no more significant than who should open the door first, or open a new jam jar first. And yet, judging from the heartache it tends to generate, it appears to matter very much indeed. It’s at the root of many affairs, it is the catalyst for vicious arguments and bitterness, the long-term future of small children can be decided by it – and couples routinely end up in therapy or (more often) the divorce courts because of it.

At the heart of the drama are all the complexities involved when, late at night, in the darkness, one person’s hand moves over to tentatively touch the other’s body in a way that signals a desire to initiate either lovemaking or a cuddle – and nothing much happens in return…”


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Diyala Muir