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Experiencing Sexual Dysfunction

I see a lot of men in my practice who are struggling with sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction might include difficulties with sex drive, it might mean that people are having difficulties either getting or maintaining an erection or difficulties with reaching orgasm.

I think in society there’s a myth that men should be easily aroused and constantly desire sex. In the reality is that, that just isn’t the case for many men.

So one of the reasons why some men experience difficulties with their sexual functioning is because they are aging.

Biology causes changes in our bodies and so does our mind. Often times if we’re struggling with a really difficult emotional issue or struggling with how see ourselves it can impact our ability to perform.

If they’re not feeling secure, if they’re not feeling connected to their partner, if their relationship isn’t safe, or they’re having sex with partners they don’t trust, often times they will struggle with their ability to perform.

Sometimes men start to see themselves as broken and may make that assessment based on a single experience where they have difficulty with performance and that impacts how they see themselves.

It can become self-fulfilling if men have struggle and then begin to worry that the struggle will continue. So some men withdraw, they avoid opportunities to be sexual.

They see themselves as no longer being able to measure up and it can often result in feelings of shame and low self-worth.

It can affect their ability to feel confident, secure and capable in other areas of their life as well.

By measuring our value on our ability to perform sexually men disqualify all of the other wonderful qualities that they have that make them desirable, erotic partners.

If a man is considering therapy, I would encourage them to ask themselves if their difficulties with sexual functioning is getting in the way.

It could be getting in the way of intimacy in current relationships, or tricking them into feeling insecure, or to avoid pursuing new relationships.

The number one way to cope with sexual dysfunction is to stop avoiding.

Stop avoiding talking about it, stop avoiding erotic experiences and stop avoiding those painful feelings that might come from experience sexual dysfunction.
One myth about sexual dysfunction is that it can be all fixed with a pill. Medication can be one important tool to help men to recover and develop better control over their sexual functioning but very rarely is that enough.

Painful emotions, relationship conflict, anxiety, often result from ongoing difficulties with sexual functioning.

Seeing a therapist can help you to address and resolve some of those worries. There’s good science, both biological and emotional science that can help men to develop better control of their sexual functioning and develop the kind of relationships that they have value for.

I help people by giving them an opportunity to see themselves from a different perspective.

Therapy can help men to rewrite their story of themselves, to start to see themselves as fully functioning, confident and secure individuals who have the ability to have erotic, satisfying connections even if they have struggled.

Seeking therapy is actually an act of strength.

Sexual dysfunction is extremely common, what’s not common is men talking about their issue. The first step is to begin to have conversations.

One way to make people feel comfortable is to validate that this is something that is really difficult to talk about and that I’m comfortable talking about it and I think that will help you feel more at ease at well.

The first question I would ask someone is how their sexual dysfunction is impacting their life. The second question I would ask is how it impacts how they feel about themselves.

If men are able to see themselves as worthy, as functional, as whole, then it will help them to feel more confident and more secure with dealing with these issues.

Sexual dysfunction is normal and it’s treatable and there is reason to believe that you can experience an improvement both in the quality of your functioning and how you see yourself.

I would want men to know that there’s good reason to be hopeful.

The hardest part about therapy is walking through the door.

It actually takes a tremendous amount of bravery to make yourself vulnerable.

The act of sharing is an act of bravery.

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